Dr. Wyldes’ Mad Scientist Advice Column

Dr. Wylde is a mad scientist with dreams of global domination, accompanied by narcissistic delusions of grandeur. When he is not busy tinkering away in his laboratory, he spends his free time giving advice on customer service and business related topics.

Joe from Nova Scotia, Canada asks: Dear Dr. Wylde, I work at a local fast food restaurant where customers seem to always be grouchy. Tell me, how can I deal with upset customers and not want to pull my hair out?

Dr. Wylde: Thank you for your question Joe! The other day I was working on my latest invention, the freezeometer. It’s your basic freeze ray with a much cleverer name attached to it. Anyway, I took a break to feed my own private pack of wolves and while I was standing over their pit, I slipped and fell in. Being that it was lunch time, my pets started to snarl and growl at me. I could have run, screamed, or tried to fight my way out of the situation. However, being the evil genius that I am, I decided that staying calm was my best bet. I made slow and deliberate movements, maintained confidence, and spoke soft and evenly. This demeanor had a calming effect on the wolves and I was able to walk out unscathed. My advice, keep your wits about you. It may be unpleasant, but it will ultimately be a small part of your day.

Anna from Chicago writes in: Hey Dr. Wylde! I am writing you because I work next to a real lazy bum. He’s always trying to pass off his work and never wants to do anything. What can I do? Please help!

Dr. Wylde: Being a mad scientist comes with a lot of preconceived notions. People think that I am a loner, or that I am socially awkward and this is simply not true. While I may appear strange to some, I do work side by side with my assistant Clicks. I rescued him from a pretzel store in the mall. Now, Clicks and I spend almost every waking hour together pouring over plans on my latest invention, the diamondometer (it detects diamonds). Things are great for the most part, but we do have our quarrels. Whenever he messes something up or tires out on me, I just talk to him about it. For some reason, people are afraid to talk to each other now a days and I just don’t get it. If you’re respectful and polite, there shouldn’t be any reason why the two of you can’t have a civil discussion about how his actions make you feel. And if you can’t handle it yourself, I’m sure your supervisor or HR representative will be more than happy to help. Don’t approach it like you’re trying to get him in trouble though. More like you’re just trying to help.

Ned from Springfield wants to know: Dr. Wylde, It never seems like there is enough time in the day to get everything done. How do you manage everything?

Dr. Wylde: Ned, I feel that way too sometimes. Heck, just last week I was working on my latest invention the Timeometer. It’s a time machine that I made out of an old popcorn popper. Anyway, I was feeling overwhelmed and it started to show in my work. So, I figured that I would try to go back in time to the beginning of the day and finish the stuff that I had not gotten to. This was met with disastrous results! I ended up ripping a hole in the fabric of space & time and almost destroyed the universe. My point is, you only get one shot at your work day so you need to make it count. If you’re having trouble, try writing things that you need (or would like) to accomplish down in a planner. Then check them off as you finish each one. Being able to physically see a schedule may help you to better manage your priorities and even relieve some stress. Plus, if you just can’t get to everything in one day, rearrange your priorities for the next day, or just ask for help. A fool will work hard at something he can’t possibly do, a wise man asks for help.

Thanks for yet another month of excellent questions. Remember, Dr. Wylde can be reached at smarshall@central-insurance.com. Feel free to send in your service or business questions (or even leave a comment below) and you could be featured in our next column.

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